Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
