worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
