no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
