you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
