yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
