You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
