There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
