I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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