Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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