If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
