i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
