A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
