I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
