It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
