I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
