I didn't shave. On purpose
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's shark week go big or go home
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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