You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just gargled with NyQuil
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
