i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
