I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
