No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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