tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
