there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I lost the right to judge tonight
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
