im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
