I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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