so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
