Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
