so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
