Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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