Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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