White coat. Heels.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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