Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
