Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
