I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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