Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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