i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
