Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
