The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
