I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
