Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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