omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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