Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
