I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
