So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
