I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
