wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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