after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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