why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
