I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
