I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
