I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
