Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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