i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
