yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
