He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
